> it[']s arguably an incredibly sexist tradition that has its roots in religious and patriarchal control
It is, but thing I would encourage people to keep in mind if they're wondering whether they want to participate in such a tradition is: Your marriage will be what you make it. No particular marriage has to be patriarchal, though of course many are.
You may choose, for example, not to have the wife change her last name; or maybe you both change your last names to something new, maybe by combining parts of your names (I saw this done once). The significance of that is symbolic, of course -- it expresses your commitment to an equal marriage; it doesn't absolve you of doing the hard work to make that a reality -- but it can be an important symbol.
You also might want to take a close look at the wedding ceremony itself. Using two rings is an easy step. The old tradition of having the bride's father "give her away" is one that I would suggest you might want to omit. If you can't bring yourselves to do that, maybe you could have the groom's mother also give him away -- people will laugh, but you'll make your point. Anyway, the larger point is, it's your ceremony, and you get to design it.
Can you have an equal marriage without doing any of those things? Of course you can, but if you find yourselves resistant to symbolic actions like these, you might want to ask yourselves why, because if you resist the symbols you will very likely resist the reality.
It is, but thing I would encourage people to keep in mind if they're wondering whether they want to participate in such a tradition is: Your marriage will be what you make it. No particular marriage has to be patriarchal, though of course many are.
You may choose, for example, not to have the wife change her last name; or maybe you both change your last names to something new, maybe by combining parts of your names (I saw this done once). The significance of that is symbolic, of course -- it expresses your commitment to an equal marriage; it doesn't absolve you of doing the hard work to make that a reality -- but it can be an important symbol.
You also might want to take a close look at the wedding ceremony itself. Using two rings is an easy step. The old tradition of having the bride's father "give her away" is one that I would suggest you might want to omit. If you can't bring yourselves to do that, maybe you could have the groom's mother also give him away -- people will laugh, but you'll make your point. Anyway, the larger point is, it's your ceremony, and you get to design it.
Can you have an equal marriage without doing any of those things? Of course you can, but if you find yourselves resistant to symbolic actions like these, you might want to ask yourselves why, because if you resist the symbols you will very likely resist the reality.