Don't delude yourself into thinking that you're "talented" or "gifted". You're a product of your history: if you spent a significant portion of your life playing DOTA, you're a DOTA-head. In your case, you seem to have spent it trying to get people to view you in favorable light. It's as simple as that.
You're missing the big picture: if you spend 3 hours writing code, and 8 hours playing games, which activity do you enjoy more? Why is that? If you pick up saw and find that you're absolutely terrible at sawing wood and cut yourself multiple times, would you enjoy that activity? OTOH, if you go out and play football (or something you've been practising for years), and manage to score many goals for your team leading to victory, would you enjoy the activity?
Your discontentment arises from a simple mismatch between what you want to do and what you are actually doing. You apparently wanted the $130k job with 3 hours of boring work, and to get by in life (or did some alien drop you into this world while you were unconscious?). What is this sudden crisis about not "changing the world"?
I have nothing to say of any significance, and the only "answers" I have are tautologies. Maybe you can try attending some inspirational talks, reading self-help books? No, I don't mean that with any condescension whatsoever; figure out where you want to invest your time and invest it there.
Absolutely agree with this. You're exhibiting the behaviour of someone in a deep conflict because you're not doing what you really want to do, but cultural and societal norms are forcing you to play out this role, and you're getting enough rewards from it (monetary and psychological) to keep you in this stasis of inaction.
There is no quick solution, as you can see from your father who has probably battled with the same thing all his life too and millions of people who do jobs they don't like.
You will not beat it because this situation is deeply and invisibly ingrained in today's society, and you have none of the skills required to make the deep psychological changes required.
If you want to give yourself a chance, you need to take drastic action. There are two real choices:
1) Stay inside the system: Therapy. Understand yourself, understand the real social and psychological landscape in which you're living and learn how to make real changes.
2) Get outside the system: Drop out, reinvent yourself from the ground up. Make a break, go meditate in India for a year, find out what it is you really want and give yourself the space to do it.
There is no such thing as procrastination or avoidance.
To 'avoid' something you need to have something to avoid and a motivation to avoid it, avoidance does not exist in and of itself.
My message still applies to whatever these new 'things you really enjoy' are. If you are procrastinating over them, you are avoiding _something_ because of _a reason_, and you'll need to do very hard work to find out what's going on and the real context in which it's happening (option 1), or drop out, clean the slate, and let yourself reinvent you (option 2).
Don't delude yourself into thinking that you're "talented" or "gifted". You're a product of your history: if you spent a significant portion of your life playing DOTA, you're a DOTA-head. In your case, you seem to have spent it trying to get people to view you in favorable light. It's as simple as that.
You're missing the big picture: if you spend 3 hours writing code, and 8 hours playing games, which activity do you enjoy more? Why is that? If you pick up saw and find that you're absolutely terrible at sawing wood and cut yourself multiple times, would you enjoy that activity? OTOH, if you go out and play football (or something you've been practising for years), and manage to score many goals for your team leading to victory, would you enjoy the activity?
Your discontentment arises from a simple mismatch between what you want to do and what you are actually doing. You apparently wanted the $130k job with 3 hours of boring work, and to get by in life (or did some alien drop you into this world while you were unconscious?). What is this sudden crisis about not "changing the world"?
I have nothing to say of any significance, and the only "answers" I have are tautologies. Maybe you can try attending some inspirational talks, reading self-help books? No, I don't mean that with any condescension whatsoever; figure out where you want to invest your time and invest it there.