Yes, my three allergists have all called it "oral allergy syndrome." One of them speculated my problem might have to do with "volatile oils," considering I'm also allergic to the smell of the raw produce. 19th and 20th century chemistry is amazing. Did you know that "flavors" for factory foods are food perfumes, top secret stuff concocted by perfume chemists? I learned that around ten years ago in a book called Mauve, about the history of fabric dying, of all things. (Some years earlier, I concluded the scent that remains long after slapping on some Polo is blueberry from old Betty Crocker blueberry muffin mix.)

So the thought of being allergic to volatile oils made pretty good sense to me. But as soon as I say "volatile oils" to people in combination with "cooking," they get all confused. Maybe they think I want to solve my problems by blowing up my kitchen or setting the building on fire or starting a heated argument. I'm happy to think that "denatured proteins" will sound a lot less volatile.

BTW, I'm a she, not a he. I also happen to be blondish and thin with a weak voice. I find that many people in real life, whom I shall not bother to classify here by occupation or sex, don't take me seriously. If you like, you can picture Julianne Moore in "Safe," a film which I find both uncomfortable and terribly funny.

"On the internet, no one knows you're a dog."

Unbelievable.