I mean, if you’re planning on using it in Death Valley on a rainy day, sure, you might have some problems. Also it doesn’t brush your teeth for you.

RE "...planning on using it in Death Valley....."

Would be easy for unit to go over 50 C due to combination of heat from the sun and heat generated from the electronics. Where I am, temperatures of 30 C are common - in the shade.

You phrase it like it's some insane requirements, but is asking for an outdoor antenna to survive *rain* such a huge ask?

It’s absolutely fine with rain, even absolutely torrential tropical downpours - from experience - I don’t know what you’re talking about. Has been sat up on my (black) roof for four years now, not a hitch - and it has seen -15 to 45C, snow, rain, wildfire, 1” hail, and it’s fine. Only service interruption we’ve had was when starlink accidentally the entire network for 8 hours or so last year.

Also it doesn’t fold my laundry.

Where I live hailstorms are not unusual. However recent hailstorms often have ice hailstones where up to 3cm diameter (golf ball size) and some locations experience giant hailstones which are above 5cm and bigger. In the most recent storm my car was outside and was "written Off" by insurance company. Every panel of glass destroyer - both front and back windscreens and side windows and mirrors. all metal panels had numerous dents. roof rack bars destroyed too.

It gets signal attenuation from heavy rain. Rain attenuation of certain RF is a well known phenomena.

right, attenuation is particularly bad with Starlink because it operates in the Ku and Ka bands... wavelengths are small enough to be scattered by individual raindrops