Coffee, maybe; it shouldn't be too hard to get Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol working, as specified in RFC 2324. Sadly, HTCPCP doesn't support tea, and trying to use it for this purpose may result in HTTP 418 "I'm a teapot" errors.

It will create something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

Your optimism on gender equality in tech is heartwarming - although I think postgres will be off the hook for a few more years ;-)