The story you're telling sounds like a you guys problem, not a Ruby or Rails problem. I've been building and running Rails apps since 2007 and have not experienced what you've described.

My current app runs on AWS ECS. Upgrades are largely just updating my Dockerfile or merging a pull request from Dependabot. We have pagerduty and it only goes off when a 3rd party API is down, usually resolving itself.