I've been working on a startup and on a day job for the past 8 months. In the past month or 2, I've experienced a couple of fevers, and beginning to get anxiety/panic attacks, and feeling sore all over from sitting all day at work + home. A few months ago, I had a severe panic attack on the train, where it felt like my brain cells were fighting each other. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
I think I'm very close to reaching a breaking point, and am not sure how long this can last. But the thing is.. I know I will feel miserable if I have to work at a day job for the rest of my life, so that makes me want to work even HARDER at my own gig so that that never happens.
It's a truly vicious cycle.. I work harder, get less sleep, become more grouchy/irritated at work, which makes me motivated work even HARDER when I get home.. which makes more sleepy at work, more irritated.. repeat...
You need to take a break. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself, and your body can no longer take it. Don't take it as a sign of weakness. You don't have to give up on your goals, but definitely take a 3 month break and get your life back together. You're breaking apart at the seams, you need to take a mental break otherwise you're seriously headed for a bad fall.
Rescue workers have a rule that their own safety comes first --- because if they don't act that way, they risk becoming yet another victim that their colleagues have to go in and save. Similar logic applies here. One of the risk factors for your startup is you falling apart. Neglecting that risk doesn't serve you or the business well.
You're already past your breaking point, what do you think those symptoms are for? If it's a typical startup, you're going to get screwed in any event, so you might as well start looking to get a better job now.
You should go to the gym a few times a week. A couple of months ago, I went back to the gym for the first time in six months. The next morning, a lot of my background stress disappeared.
Dude. I think you need some serious help, because I think you are suicidal. I'm not kidding. Or, the way you think, you might as well be.
You don't believe that life is worth living unless you achieve $STARTUP_RICHES. And you are okay with death as the alternative.
There are lots of ways to achieve wealth and security. In fact, doing an internet-based startup is statistically one of the lower-probability ways of doing that, compared to say, a job in finance.
Try transitioning to becoming a highly paid contractor/consultant so you can turn down your hours and do the startup thing with a healthier schedule. Kind of like Jeff LaMarche
I think I'm very close to reaching a breaking point, and am not sure how long this can last. But the thing is.. I know I will feel miserable if I have to work at a day job for the rest of my life, so that makes me want to work even HARDER at my own gig so that that never happens.
It's a truly vicious cycle.. I work harder, get less sleep, become more grouchy/irritated at work, which makes me motivated work even HARDER when I get home.. which makes more sleepy at work, more irritated.. repeat...