This may sound stupid, but you can try looking up the stories of people who had really hard luck and struggled, and finally were able to make a life for themselves. Their stories can remind you that even after enduring incredible hardships, you can overcome them, even if you don't know how yet.

I also suggest meditating on death and life. Ask yourself what's the worst thing that could happen. Usually it's not death, which means you can survive whatever the worst thing is. Then you can ask yourself what good things do you have right now. If you're warm, safe, and have food, you've covered all the base requirements! Can you hear, see? Then you can also listen to music and look at nature/art. Even when things are falling apart, we usually still have pretty amazing lives.

You are of course right and if I stop and think about it rationally, everything is relatively alright.

The thing is that I've had to deal with a lot of health issues over the past decade and it's very disheartening to go without a proper diagnosis and treatment for so long. Compared to my old self, I'm definitely playing life on hard mode and I just don't have the energy for it any longer.

Im not afraid of death. Ceasing to exist would be a lot easier than struggling every day. I'm more afraid that my life won't ever get any easier and I just have to sit in and go through the motions, without actually living and enjoying life.

It seems like you’re struggling alone. There will be someone you can talk to regardless of your means and who can find you people and resources so you’re not struggling alone. Call a suicide hotline for your country, talk to a therapist, call a Priest, but make a connection and stop suffering alone. You matter. I might be just a person on the internet but I’m praying for you.