> So what’s the problem with that?

It's not a problem, in the sense that I realise there is no malice; on the other hand, it's a problem in the sense that after many years living in a country, having acquired citizenship and having built a family here, I would like to think you are part of the community.

Constantly being reminded that I am never really going to progress past the status of outsider can be really bothersome.

How long have you been living in Singapore? Things start to change after a few years in my opinion.

EDIT: I just wanted to point out that the positive aspects of migrating to a new country, in my case, still greatly outweigh the negative aspects such as the one described above. Also, I am lucky because the cultural differences between my native country (Italy) and my adoptive one (Australia) are relatively minor.

>> So what’s the problem with that?

To clarify, my comment above was primarily meant to point out that the behaviour we're discussing is not something unique to the Japanese. I felt it was a bit unfair to single them out for having a culture that continuously reminds people of being foreign, when everybody else does it also (well- as far as I can tell). I didn't say whether I thought it's a problem or not.

So- is it? I guess that will depend a lot on the situation, won't it? For myself I've been in both kinds of situations, where it was a problem and where it wasn't. Say, when I first moved here I worked menial jobs and the people I worked with tended to not care much about social niceties (although there may have been other reasons I attracted the wrong kind of attention, by some). Nowadays, I'm a PhD researcher, so it would be a really big surprise if someone brought up the fact I'm not from around here as a disadvantage; most people I work with are not, anyway.

It's just that, there are situations were anything that singles you out can spell trouble- and being foreign singles you out. In such situations, you have to tread carefully in a way that locals don't.

To be perfectly clear, I personally take things in my stride and I generally fare very well. But not everyone is the same as me, neither have I always been as confident and self-assured as I am now. The target is, I think, to have an environment (a society, if you will) that accommodates all kinds of people, those who aren't bothered as well as those who might be.

__________

Edit: "neither have I always been as confident and self-assured as I am now". Actually, now that I think of it, I always have. I'm a tough cookie :)

In my opinion that is the right attitude to have. I actually enjoy being a foreigner!

I'm happy to follow the social protocols while never feeling like needing to belong (which is already hard enough even if you were born a native...).

> I'm happy to follow the social protocols while never feeling like needing to belong

I used to be a "digital nomad" before coming to Australia, I lived in many cities across S. E. Asia and South America and, like you, for a while I really enjoyed being able to "taste the soup while not diving into it"[1].

However things change when you decide that the place where you are living is where you want to settle down and build a family (see my other comment in this sub-thread).

[1] This is a (probably not accurate) quote by writer and journalist Tiziano Terzani, unfortunately I'm unable to find a link to a source at the moment.

Not everyone wants to build a family. Some people are quite happy to be single throughout their life.

Sure, I wasn't implying that, just pointing out that it may be a possibility. Also, being single doesn't preclude you from deciding that you want to live somewhere indefinitely (the point that I wanted to make in my comment was more related to nomadic vs resident lifestyle, than single vs. married).

I'm actually not nomadic. Born in India, but moved to Canada a decade ago.

Things are pretty good here. Because of cultural differences people don't necessarily have to 'accept' me as one of theirs (it is just human nature to be so). And that's fine by me. If being emotionally accepted was a factor, I would have chosen to live among my extended family back in India.